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Ferencik: Explaining Crocs to children

Leafing through a circular Sunday the other day, I began to wonder: how did a six-year Asian kid, belly pooched out, end up wearing ripped jeans distressed, layers of graphic tees and imitation Crocs , that mini versions of adult clothing?

And not just adult clothing, but clothing plagued by complex references to times and ironies beyond his comprehension. Even through his sweet, silly smile, he seemed overwhelmed by it all. The kid did not know, of course, but the discount stores are actually the tail of a long convoluted journey: this is where fashion goes to die.

But if this is the end of the journey, where did it begin?

At a local mall, I picked up a pair of men's size 13 Crocs and turned them over in wonder. Is there anything larger on this earth? They looked like they could double as 40B housing, but I digress. At a neighboring shoe store, I found: Croc boots, Croc sandals on sale, and high-heeled come-do-me Crocs.

These shoes, like so many other icons of quintessential American fashion - jeans, T-shirts and so on - started out innocent, as deckwear, in fact. But then someone said: Crocs, you're so great, I want to wear you in winter. And fur-lined Crocs were born. Crocs for children came next.

Before long, because you're useless if you're not sexy in America, someone said: come on Crocs, you're ugly and fat and not sexy. Get your croc sh-t together.

And the big-boned Croc became sad and lost weight and became high-heeled and as sleek as rubber gets.

Then someone said: Croc, you slut, knock it off, and it became the demure ballet flat version favored by suburban moms and available at the Paper Store.

But Croc history is simple compared to the psychic baggage sewn into jeans and T-shirts. A T-shirt started out saying leave me alone, I'm a T-shirt. I go under men's shirts so you can't see their nipples. A decent enough reason to be. Turns out not to be true. Because America hungers for story and sews them into her clothes.

Examples follow:

Good Intentions Jeans: Planted at our laptops day and night, we unconsciously yearn for a simpler time, a time when people cared about each other, when they came home for dinner, damnit. Unfortunately, the last recorded time this happened was May 12, 1958 on a farm somewhere in Indiana. Good Intentions Jeans to the rescue. Cunningly ripped and worn, these jeans, with creases at the bend of the hip, symbolize hard work, perhaps on a farm. These jeans, say: I'm American. I'm up at dawn cleaning out the barn. I know how to make cheese, for crying out loud.

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